desecrated perfection
by Remember.Innocence
Summary: Jamie Beilson was raped, beaten and left for dead, can she recover? this is sort of my own Idea for an episode, and so I hope you like it. EO all the way! ps. this is my first fanfiction ever so please, reviews and criticisms are highly welcome!
1. how it began

Disclaimer: I do not own anything accept for Adam and Jamie, I wish to God I did, but alas! We can't all be Dick Wolf...

Rating: T (there are at times some more mature topics, but nothing to explicit, I'm a pretty tame person)

Here goes it!

" Adam. Oh, please. Give me one good, _viable_ reason why I should get back with you after all the crap you've done to me." Jamie Beilson knew she was earning herself some quizzical glances from her fellow park dwellers, but at that moment, she really didn't give a crap! The guy she had shared the past two years of her life with had completely betrayed her. Jamie was only 16 years old but she had allowed herself to experience love, and let herself become enraptured with a boy to the point of obliviousness. But the semi-blissful existence she had accustomed herself to had been destroyed when the news about Becca's pregnancy had come to light.

_Adam cheated on me. He doesn't love me like I thought he did. He lied. He manipulated me, and I allowed it. I bought it all. How much more naïve can you get? _These were the thoughts that had plagued Jamie for days, causing her sleepless nights and endless stress, until she came to the conclusion that she was going to force herself to forget him and move on.

She failed.

She failed miserably the second Adams voice pleaded with her through her cell phone, " Please Jamie, I love you. I made a mistake, please come back! I don't love Becca at all like I love you! I made her give up the baby just for you, just for us! Please!'

"Adam, I-I-I can't. I just can't put myself through this anymore –"

"Jamie, you're my ladybug! I love you please, give me another chance..." _was he crying?_

"Fine, look, I'll come over to your place and maybe we can work something out. But don't get ahead of yourself, I'm only willing to talk, that doesn't mean anything yet." They both knew was that she meant " I need you, I'm desperate. I can't say no."

Three hours later they were sitting on the sofa in the middle of Adam's living room, making out like the hormone driven teenagers they were, and everything was as it should be between them.

While Jamie was just caught up in the magic of the give and take of her soft lips against Adam's rough, but gentle lips, she hadn't noticed the very obvious passion that had formed behind the heat in her boyfriends kisses. Adam moved his hands from around her slender waist to the front of her body as he began attempting to remove her shirt. Jamie was a rather modest girl and blushed furiously at these advances and detached her lips from his and tried to move away, but was halted when Adam held her in place.

"Adam, Stop. Your starting to go a little to far"

"The hell I am." The urgency in his movements increased as he pulled off her white polo.

"Hey! No! Adam, give me my shirt!" She cried as she struggled to cover herself up. As long as they had been together, Adam had never pulled a stunt like this and a prudent, virgin like herself was not very pleased. "Adam, I'm not Joking. Stop this right now." He only proceeded to try and unsnap her bra clasp. "Adam! My God, what the Hell are you doing!"

"You damn well know what I'm doing, I'm getting what I've waited two years for!" Jamie considered this for a moment before she realized what he meant.

"No! I've told you before, I want to wait! I'm not ready for this, we're not doing this!" Jamie thought for sure that he would understand her point of view and stop his advances after she had expressed her opinions. She had promised her parents and her church that she would remain pure until after marriage, and she was intent on keeping those promises. Her train of thought was literally shaken out of place. It took Jamie a moment to realize that Adam had grabbed her by her upper arms and was looking her directly in the face when he growled, "I'll be damned to hell if we're not doing this. You have been stringing me along for the past two years, and I'm done with your pretenses! Your going to give me what I ask for because it's what I deserve!"

Fear trickled into Jamie's bloodstream as she came to understand the realities of the situation she was in. "Please, don't do this, I don't want this... Your scaring me Adam..." even Jamie was startled by how small and terrified her voice sounded, and she prayed to God that her pleadings would appeal to Adam.

He laughed. He laughed a cold, menacing laugh that Jamie knew to mean that this was what he wanted, to see her beg, to see her terrified. Jamie knew at once that Adam was beyond being appealed to, and she began to struggle in his strong hold on her arms. He released her left arm and slapped her, his only reaction when she cried out was another cruel laugh.

Jamie tried to pry his fingers off her right arm but He was much stronger than her. He forced her up against the wall and undid the clasp on her bra, which only caused her to struggle harder. She stomped on his foot and tried to run away, but he only dove for her ankles and tripped her, causing her to slam her face on the edge of his wooden couch frame. Jamie sank to the floor, dazed as her angelic face began to ooze blood while her mind entered a neutral state between blackness and reality.

Jamie was only in this brief state of bliss for a moment before she was jolted back to reality by the pain in her chest. Adam kicked her repeatedly while she lay on the floor defenseless. Suddenly the pain intensified exponentially with an audible crack and a sharp agony in her side. The pain grew with every breath and Jamie became aware that Adam had broken her rib. The tormenting agony became too much to bear and she began to slip back and forth between the blackness and her reality, losing seconds and moments at a time.

For a moment Jamie was unaware that the brutal attacks had ceased, and Adam was leaning over her body smiling, and in an infuriatingly condescending tone he spat, " well, now, looks like someones a bit more compliant! Why don't we try doing things my way, because we both know this is what you want." With those words, Jamie knew all hope for her had been lost. She resigned herself to her fate as she felt his tormenting arms lift her effortlessly and carried her up the stairs. She detached herself from reality ( though she was aware of what was happening) as Adam proceeded to deposit her on his bed and violate her in the most awful of ways. She cried silently as Adam raped her repeatedly until he had had his fill of her. Finally God permitted her the reprieve of being able to fully slip into the black unaware portion of her mind...


	2. saving grace

Disclaimer: I do not own anything accept for Jamie and Adam

Authors note: I know there was no SVU in the last chapter, but from here on out there will be! Happy reading, ps. I like reviews!

The first thing Jamie Beilson became aware of was the cold. Keeping her eyes tightly shut and pretending she was still knocked out, Jamie allowed herself to sense her environment. Cold. Hard. Wet. She was shivering and every breath caused her agonizing pain, yup, she was sure she had broken at least three or four ribs. Every surface of her body ached, she could feel the bruises on her arms where Adam had grabbed her, the sting on her face reminded her of his slap, and with every inhale she remembered how brutally the boy she thought she loved had beaten her; but nothing compared to how disgusting she felt when she remembered the culmination of his cruelty. _He raped me. He raped me. He raped me..._

She repeated it as a mantra in her head over and over as her mind replayed every excruciating detail with painful clarity. When her brain reached the part of his laugh, that evil laugh, she was so extremely disgusted and terrified that she rolled over and was violently sick. _He raped me. He raped me. He raped me..._

She was still lost in thought when she felt an icy blast of wind, and it dawned on her that she was not in Adam's house anymore, where was she? Taking the risk, she slowly opened her eyes and gingerly sat up. An alley. Crap. Fear once again coursed through her with its icy sting. She had no clue where she was, and her only companion was the sound of the passing traffic at least 100 yards away.

Jamie began to take a more detailed inventory of her surroundings, and all she came up with was that she was in some alley in a part of town she had never been in, and she was re-dressed in the clothes she was wearing earlier. No jacket. Crap. The reality of everything hit her all at once and this realization proved to much for her mind to bear, once again she succumbed to her minds blackness.

Some time later Jamie woke, but again kept her eyes closed and attempted to will herself back to the forgiving darkness. Jamie could sense somebody near her and tried to make herself small so maybe whoever it was would pass her without harming her further. No use, she felt arms close around her and her worst fears seemed to be coming true, Adam was back for round two. She flinched away from him and tensed up, she was so ashamed of herself when a pitiful whimper of fear escaped her lips.

"It's okay, its okay, I'm not going to hurt you. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. It's okay now, it's alright..."

_What is going on? This isn't Adam's voice! Oh God, please say this person isn't going to hurt me too! _Jamie felt those same arms gently scoop all 100 pounds of her off the ground, and hold her close to their body to keep her warm. She felt whoever it was sit down, and wrap their jacket around her.

"I need a bus, down off 31st, teenage girl, badly beaten, hypothermia set in, critical condition" said the mysterious man to someone that was not her. _Who is this! _She thought. He leaned down to her and said softly to her, " My name is detective Stabler, I'm here to help you, I'm not going to hurt you, your going to be safe now."

Somehow, even though she was freezing and terrified, she believed this man and resigned herself to the gentle comfort of being safe in his strong arms.

" I-I-I'm J-Jamie, Jamie B-B-B-Beilson, please don't leave m-me," she stuttered

"I'm not going to leave you I promise. You're safe now."

"M-my boyfriend, M-my boyfriend did" – her explanation was chopped short by a sob that wracked through her body and broke Elliot Stabler's heart.

"Shhh, Shhh, we don't have to do this right now. Calm down Jamie, Shhhh, everything's going to be alright."

"I'm sorry, I'm n-not usually one for the em-motional outbursts."

"No, don't be sorry, it's okay to cry, your okay, you don't have to be sorry for anything, this wasn't your fault, your okay." His words seemed to calm the girl down and she gently sobbed in his arms.

Seeing a poor girl like this crushed his heart. She was so close to his own daughters ages and reminded him so much of his daughters that he had to look away, It was no stretch to his imagination to picture his own little girls in this young woman's situation. God, it pained him to see a girl like this, so broken and scared. It infuriated him to think that someone would hurt this girl so much that she was petrified of even the person trying to save her.

He heard the sirens of the ambulance he had called for in the distance and decided to prepare the girl for what was about to happen to her.

"Jamie, honey, shhhhh, shhh, its okay, but sweetie an ambulance is going to come for you, you are in pretty bad shape and they are going to help you, I'm going to ride along with you and make sure everything is alright, but I need to know. Did whoever hurt you, rape you?" The responding increase in the hysterical level of Jamie's weeping was enough to let him know that there was no doubt she was raped.

"I'm sorry, Jamie, I'm sorry, calm down. Calm down. You need to breathe. We don't need to talk about that just yet, but the hospital is going to have to examine you to gather evidence. Your okay, please calm down, just match your breath to mine, that's it. In, out, in, out, slowly. There you're doing great"

The sirens got much louder as the ambulance turned onto the street they were on, and the sudden blast of noise startled Jamie which caused her to flinch further into detective Stabler's arms. Her quick, jerky movements caused her instant pain. Elliot was at a loss as to what to do to prevent the poor girl from any further pain, but every movement seemed to cause more agony for her.

The ambulance stopped directly in front of them and the EMT's rushed out of the ambulance and opened the back. Stabler gingerly carried Jamie over to where the technicians had prepared a gurney. They loaded Jamie into the ambulance and began emergency treatment to their greatest concern, the hypothermia.

They labored to regain Jamie's normal body temperature and succeeded in getting her to a stable condition once they reached the hospital.

"Should we sedate her?" asked one of the technicians working in the ER.

"Do it, and examine her while she's out. I don't know if she can handle anymore stress" Stabler responded.

The male nurse pushed a syringe full of sedative into Jamie's IV, and she drifted into unconsciousness with a grateful expression on her face.

Elliot watched over her until the doctor came in to perform the rape kit, and he left the room to allow Jamie the simple comfort of not having an audience while she was examined.

Twenty minutes later, The doctor walked out of the room with a pained expression on his face. "There was immense sexual trauma and we found fluids. But man, I hope you catch the bastard that did this to her because, whoever did it, really pulled a number over on this girl. Four broken ribs, broken nose, a concussion, and bruising covering almost every surface of her body. Not to mention the damage the hypothermia caused to her body, Elliot if you had not found this girl when you did, she probably would've died."

Little comfort this was to him! No matter how hard he worked at this job, somebody always seemed to be hurt. It made no difference if he put one pedophile or rapist behind bars, because there was always another one ready to take their place. The cycle was never ending, and for some irrational reason, Elliot blamed himself for this. He thought _Maybe if I worked harder, or investigated further, or tried harder to prevent these things, maybe they wouldn't happen. God, maybe if I had done something more for someone else or labored more for public knowledge, then maybe that poor girl wouldn't be __lying in a hospital bed, beaten within a centimeter of her life. _

It was these thoughts that went through Elliot's mind as he sat in the hallway of the pediatric ward with his head in his hands.

"El? You okay?" it was Olivia, his kind spirited partner approaching him with a look of concern. "rough case?"

He looked up at her and shaking his head, he said with disgust, "you have no idea."


	3. just start from the beginning

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Authors note: please let me know what you think about my characterization, is it lacking, overdone, just any helpful advice would be great, This is my first fanfiction! **

** Also, I would like to thank the people that reviewed my last chapters, you really have no Idea how much you guys's encouragement means to me so thank you for that! Also, Crimeshowgirl, you impacted this story, because I was originally just intending to make this fanfiction center around Elliot, with a little bit of Olivia here and there, but your comment made me realize that you just can't have an SVU fanfiction without her, so I am going to make her a big part in the story! (see, I listen to people who review! If you want your ideas mentioned and included in the story then you have to tell me about them in a review!), **

**Love, **

"Jamie, Jamie, you need to wake up now. There's people here to speak to you." The nurse cooed to Jamie as she attempted to wake the sleeping girl.

Jamie's eyelids fluttered a moment before she fully chose to re-enter the land of the waking. It was visibly written on her face, the blissful moment before she remembered where she was and why she was there, then a look of pure pain wiped all other expression off of her face, and tears began to pool in her eyes when she did recall the events that had brought her to the hospital.

Her brain took a moment to torture her further by replaying what had happened to her earlier, but it was a special torture reserved only for Jamie's eyes. Here fear and disgust were so clearly represented through her body language that all the people in her room felt almost that they were experiencing it as well.

But nobody could imagine the pain this flashback caused Jamie, to her, it was all real. And she was going through the degradation and humiliation yet again, but only in her minds eye. Finally, with a scream, she seemed to snap herself out of whatever trance she seemed to be living in, and relief seemed to etch itself in every inch of her body, _Good, God this girl is expressive! _Thought Detective Stabler who was a witness to all of this, yet another thing that linked this girl to his own daughters, at least in his head.

"Jamie, it's okay, I'm sorry to wake you, but we need to take your statement down at the station, and then we need to find a way to get you back home. But first things first. How do you feel, are you doing okay?"

"I'm fine Mr. Stabler" –

" You can call me detective or even Elliot."

"Okay. But um Mr. – I mean, Detective, I don't want to take a statement, I just want to go home and get back to school tomorrow, I'm fine." The girls bloodshot eyes betrayed a different story, but Elliot decided to humor her and gently convince her rather than force her to re-tell her story.

"Jamie, you need to have a statement taken, if you want to put the person who did this to you behind bars, you have to tell us what happened." Elliot was surprised when the girl refused to see his logic and still adamantly begged not to.

"Detective, I'm fine. Look, um, nobody hurt me..." Jamie didn't even believe the lie she tried to pass over herself, and it was obvious she was being dishonest, "I just fell down hard in the alley, Nobody did anything to me," but the truth was written plainly on her face.

"So you tripped and fell, and that's how you ended up with a concussion, four broken ribs, and bruising over most of your body? Really? Jamie, it's obvious that you are trying to cover up for somebody, but sweetie, you need to listen to me, somebody hurt you terribly and they deserve to be punished for that. We need to find out what happened so we can do just that!"

Jamie still attempted to stick to her story, " nobody did anything to me, I promise, I'm just really clumsy, nobody hurt me."

Elliot knew that what he was about to say would cause her pain and embarrass her, but if it would help her in the end, it seemed like the right thing to do. He leaned in close to her and rested his hand on her arm, He spoke to her quietly so only she could hear it, " Jamie, we know about the rape. There was a lot of damage done to you, so extensively that they had to stitch you up inside to prevent the trauma from getting worse. We recovered fluids and we have photographic evidence that you were raped. You expect me to believe that you got all of these," he gestured to the bruises, even matching his fingers to the marks on her arms, "from a bad fall?" He felt her tense up and he moved a bit away from her, " somebody obviously hurt you and made you terrified to tell the truth, you may be embarrassed, and it will no doubt be a hard road ahead, including giving us your statement. But Jamie, I want to help you bring whoever did this to you, to justice, and the only way I can do that is if you help me, help you. Please Jamie, let us take your statement."

The tears that had pooled in her eyes earlier began to trail down her face, leaving a line of salty wetness as they fell. Jamie dropped her eyes in defeat and nodded her head, "Fine I'll tell you what happened, but not now, not here. I don't want all of these people to know what happened."

"Of course, you don't have to do it here. We will take you down to the police station and you can tell us there. After that, we will find your parents and send you home to them to take care of you."

" Detective, I don't live with my parents..."

"What do you mean?"

" My parents died when I was 13, our house caught fire while I was at a friends house."

Things had just taken an even more heartbreaking turn for Elliot, not only has this girl had her parents taken from her, but her dignity and security as well. How much more crappy could the hand life dealt her have gotten? "I'm so sor" –

" Don't!, please don't apologize, I'm sorry to snap at you... I just hate it when people do that..."

"Oh, okay, well I'm sor – ahem, well um, who can we get to come for you?"

" Normally, my Grandma, but she's not in town. She's in California for medical stuff. She's had cancer, but she's in remission now, and the doctors just like to make sure she's still cancer free. She goes about once a year." Jamie felt kind of stupid for saying all this stuff, when a simple " my grandmother, but she isn't in town," would have sufficed.

"Wow, okay, who are you staying with? Are you alone?" Stabler awkwardly said.

" Only for a little while, but yes."

" Well, I guess we'll just figure that situation out later, for now we need to get you down to the station. You can ride in the ambulance or my car. My partner is riding with me right now, but there's still room if you want, you can take your pick."

"NOT the ambulance, I guess I'll ride with you." Jamie felt compelled even in this situation to be polite so she added on, " Thank you very much for the offer Detective, I hope that I'm not inconveniencing you."

Jamie's courtesy was almost a shock to him when he considered her age. It had been a long time since he heard a modern teenager thank someone for something as simple as ride. He smiled awkwardly, " don't mention it, it's no problem."

After Jamie was discharged from the hospital he led her to his car, and got in, but when Elliot slammed his door as he got in (a bad habit he had fallen into), Jamie flinched and moved to cover her head out of a reflex. He instantly felt horrible and angry at the same time. Not at her of course, but it enraged him to think that somebody would hurt a person so badly like, that boy did to Jamie. Elliot resisted the urge to punch the steering wheel in his anger, only because he knew that it would further frighten Jamie.

Elliot drove his car around to the front of the hospital where Olivia was waiting for him and She climbed in the passenger seat. Olivia turned around in her seat to face the scared teenager and smiled comfortingly to her while she extended her hand in a greeting, "Hi, I'm detective Benson, Detective Stabler's partner. You're Jamie, correct?

"Yeah, Jamie Beilson." Said Jamie as she tentatively shook Olivia's hand.

The rest of the fifteen minute drive to the precinct was tense and quiet. None of the detectives said a word and Jamie was lost in her own world as she gazed unseeingly through the windows. She could not escape the feeling of loss she experienced. Jamie felt so filthy and broken, She was a changed person.

Once upon a time, She had been the picture of perfection. Jamie had friends, and lots of them; She was sweet and caring towards everyone, and it had earned her a certain respect amongst all her peers. Jamie was intelligent and bright (she was the front-runner for valedictorian); loving and generous to a fault, and she was not lacking at all in the looks department. Jamie had been the girl that everyone wanted to be.

Looking back on everything that she once had possessed helped Jamie to realize just what she had lost. Adam had not only stolen her physical virginity, but her innocence and security. It sickened Jamie to think that she had failed to keep the purity promise she had made to her parents before they had passed away, all because of a boy who swept her off her feet, and she blamed herself. Somehow it had to be her.

When Olivia opened the door to let Jamie out of the car, she could see the fresh tear tracks running down the girl's face and her heart went out to her. After narrowly escaping being raped herself during an undercover operation, Olivia found herself able to sympathize with the rape victims more easily. She knew what it was like to be robbed of your freedom and to be forced to do something you didn't choose to do. She knew what it was like, and she silently shuttered at the memory as she and her partner led Jamie into the building.

_What did I get myself into? Why the hell couldn't I just simply have told Adam to leave me alone and never gone over to his house, if I had been smart enough to do that, I wouldn't have ended up like this. God, maybe I did something to deserve this. And now I'm a liar! My parents would hate me if they knew that I had broken my promises to them. I wish Adam had finished the job and killed me. _

"Jamie? Jamie?" Detective Benson interrupted her mental monologue by gently tapping Jamie on the shoulder, but startled her in the process. Jamie jerked herself into a ball on the chair she had been residing in, and began to shout "STOP, PLEASE, STOP". After a short moment she calmed down enough to realize she wasn't being attacked and uncurl, but her outburst had halted the entire precinct as they watched her with worried expressions. Jamie was distracted enough by the pain that her reflexive movement had caused in her chest that she didn't notice all of the eyes that were staring at her.

"I'm so sorry, to startle you, Jamie. I was coming over to tell you that we are ready to take your statement in the interview room." Olivia gently spoke.

Face pale white, and arms tightly crossed over her throbbing chest, Jamie followed Olivia into the threatening interview room. She took her seat at the metal table and focused her eyes on a dent in the smooth surface, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. Both detectives followed suit and sat down across from Jamie. Elliot hit a button on the unforgiving black tape recorder, and Olivia softly asked Jamie to state her full name.

"Jamie. Jamie Felicity Beilson." She looked up at Olivia with a questioning face as she did not know what to do next.

"Jamie, this isn't going to be easy, but it is necessary. All you have to do is answer our questions truthfully and completely, and explain to us what happened." Elliot explained. Again, Jamie didn't know what to say, so Elliot softened his expression and said in a gentler voice, "just start from the beginning."


End file.
